Bouts of Doubts

Let me be honest for a second. Especially because social media is a highlight reel.

I still doubt my move to Honduras. Actually, let me be even more real with you. Sometimes, I still doubt my faith as a Christian. 

Since finding out in February that I was moving to Honduras, I have waves of doubt that come over me. Is this really God’s will for my life? What am I doing with my life? I am not qualified for this. This is not like me. Why this and not the plan I had for my life? God, what are you doing? If I am being completely honest, I always thought I would be married by now and maybe even have had a kid. I never thought this could be my life.

These are all doubts that Satan fills my head with pretty much weekly. There are seasons where trusting God’s plan feels easy, even exciting. But then there are the times where nothing makes sense, and doubt creeps in like fog. I’ve had a whirlwind of all of these feelings the past few months. I wish I could say I have the answer or that I no longer doubt, but I would be lying. 

It’s not something we always talk about in Christian circles. We’re quick to say “God’s in control” or “His timing is perfect”—and I believe those things. I truly do. But sometimes they feel so cliche.

While I don’t have all the answers, I can share with you some things that I have learned from navigating these doubts. 

Doubt is not the end of your faith. It is often part of it. When we have those times of doubt is when our faith grows. If I was a Christian who did not ever doubt, I would be concerned for me. Doubting can encourage you to dig deeper in your relationship with the Lord and want to know Him more. The Bible is full of people doubting their faith. Which leads to my next point.

Study the Bible and those who have doubted because you are certainly not alone. Moses doubted his ability to lead, yet God still used him. Job questioned everything. Even John the Baptist, who baptized Jesus, doubted if Jesus was the one to come or if they should wait for someone else. Doubting can be a good thing if you use it to know God more. 

Look back on confirmations from God over your life. For me specifically, I know God has confirmed this trip to me time and time again in no way that I can dismiss it as a coincidence. This is why I love to keep a journal. I love to look back and see all the situations and people that God has placed in my life to affirm me. I pray over them that God will give me confidence in the confirmations. 

If you are in a season of doubting, I encourage you to go deeper in your relationship with Jesus. Dig into scripture. Know the heart of Christ and His character. You’re not alone. You're not less of a Christian because you're asking questions. Keep bringing your heart to Him—even the confused, frustrated, hurting parts. He can handle it. And more than that, He wants it. He is a God that is gentle and lowly with open arms. He wants every piece of you.